Permission granted

One of the things that most people look forward to on their wedding day is their wedding night. Finally, the two of them can show each other the full measure of their love and share the deepest part of themselves. However, many people are not prepared or are terrified of this beautiful event. Either they have had bad experiences such as abuse or have been taught by their parents to avoid the topic, that sexual relations are unfortunately part of human nature rather than a form of godliness. But Hugh B Brown states, "There is no excuse for approaching this most intimate relationship in life without true knowledge of its meaning and its high purpose."

I'll share a personal part of my story with you about how I came to know that God endorses and desires for his children to share sexual intimacy with one another: when I was 5 years old, I was sexually abused (I know, great start). As a child, I believe God shielded me while allowing this trial to forever change and teach me. I escaped the situation as quickly as I could and it never happened again. But I did not feel as disgusted as I thought I should. It didn't physically hurt, rather, it felt tickly and gentle. Something must have been wrong with me.

Now I'm sure you can see the challenge and trial in this. I had inner turmoil about whether sex was good or bad the whole time I grew. When I was 11, I finally told my family what had happened. My family fought with our other accused family members until we could hardly talk to each other. It was even 13 years later when I had a blessed and rare experience of hearing an apology from my abuser. I had been married for a few years and had two children. Yet I did not know if I could forgive him (and I thought I needed to forgive myself) because of how "messed up" I was.

I looked at my beliefs again and realized that God had actually blessed me from my experience. Yes, it was wrong that I had been involved in that experience at such a young age and with the wrong person, but in my innocent frame I could tell that intimate acts are meant to be enjoyed. God wanted to not ruin my future experiences with sex, although so many others who have been abused do. The abuse was wrong because HE was not the one I should be sharing those sacred moments with. God only wants us to feel those beautiful feelings with our eternal companion. You just have to let yourself realize what God intends you to feel.

Now, there is a lesson in this story for married couples. I hope nobody has to come about them the way I did, and it may not seem to make full sense to anybody but me, but here it goes:

• God blesses us with the desire to share intimacy with one another, but also teaches us self-control by asking and pleading with us to protect it, to save it for our eternal companion.
• By making eternal covenants together and with the Lord, sex becomes one of the highest forms of worship. We show our love to Heavenly Father and Christ when we bind ourselves together not just physically and spiritually to prepare for the highest degree of glory in God's kingdom.
• There is nothing to fear or be ashamed of. Remember, fear is the opposite of faith, and originates from Satan's plan to make us miserable. Indeed, there is no better way to make a person feel miserable than to impede their enjoyment of righteous intercourse.
• Give yourself permission to speak openly about sex with your partner. Ask for the things you want, explain the things you don't. Ask your partner too. They want you to enjoy sex just as much as you want them to enjoy it. Respect their wishes, work as a team to make your personal moments a regular activity, as well as an uplifting one. 
•  If sex is becoming a chore or becomes boring, it's time to speak again. Give yourself permission to try new things, although only within righteous bounds and only things fully supported by both people. The LDS church's official declaration of January 5, 1982 states: "If a person is engaged in a practice which troubles him enough to ask about it, he should discontinue it."
• Teach your children early about how righteous sexuality is a blessing and a joy. You can reference A Parent's Guide for age-appropriate discussions.